I have been blessed to go to many very cool parties. I have been to parties in Las Vegas that hosted entire circuses’ and I have been to parties in France with ballrooms decorated with live plants in an “Alice in Wonderland“Theme. I know what a good party looks like.
But the party I went to this evening tops them all. So in case you are curious what it takes to throw the best worst party ever, here are my tips for you:
• Hype the hell out of the list of all the confirmed celebrities that will be attending you party and then only have two of them make an appearance.
• However other random celebrities will show up to your party, which is awesome when your security and party staff have no idea who they are or why they are there. (Although to be fair they were all actors I loved and knew)
• Make sure that one of your celebrities comes equipped with a monkey puppet that wears a bra on its head. Ensure that he will use this puppet to speak to people for the duration of the party. (This was an actor I did recognize but did not love)
• Have your event staff make truly terrible and even painful introductions of the celebrities if they happen to get them to the correct location for media.
Example: The staff guy walks up the red carpet and says to the media “This is a guy….from..um….the Scissor Sisters?” with a half hearted shrug before turning around and walking away.
• Invite media to come and publicize your event, but forget to tell security that they are allowed to take pictures. This allows the media to get personalized security escorts who continually try to block them from taking pictures and saying “No pictures” very loudly as the media try to do their job. This is extremely helpful and always leads to excellent publicity for the event.
• Have no food available, but bars everywhere. This allows the attendees to get nice and inebriated but also be starving. So when someone rolls out a small cart with sample sized Dixie cups of ice cream the crowd will descend upon them like sharks in a feeding frenzy.
• Have VIP escorts (made up of the same people who halfheartedly introduced them because they have no idea who they are) who forget to escort the celebrities anywhere they are supposed to go. This allows the celebrities to scatter like a herd of cats.
The poor VIP coordinator was horrified when she realized that none of the celebrities were walked further than the red carpet and were never told where the VIP section was and were left to wander the party. She. Was. HORRIFIED
And last but not least…..
• Have William Shatner interview all of the celebrities that do happen to appear!
Example: I saw two well known actors appear specifically to be interviewed by William Shatner for a web show that Shatner was hosting. (I know this because I was totally eavesdropping)
William Shatner proceed to introduce them by talking about how these are two great actors, and he has worked with many great actors, but not these two actors. But other great actors (enter a monologue about Shatner’s opnion that he is awesome)
The two actors finally get on the stage and William Shatner looks at them and asks them their names and their shows names. The actors answer the question. They turn to Wiliam Shatner anticipating another question.
William Shatner then turns to the audience and says “These two are great actors, but I have to go”. Handed the microphone to one of the actors and exited the stage. These actors were not happy.
How good was this party?
This evening ended with me literally laying down in oncoming traffic